Animal Abuse
I had just returned from Christmas break and was having my first phone call with Mourad. We spent a little bit of time catching up on our vacations. Now I know that Mourad is Islamic, but I didn't know if there was a Holiday they celebrated on this timing. So I asked him.
Turns out there is a Muslim Holiday that coincided with Xmas this year. It floats, so it was coincidental, but he was able to celebrate it. He had gone back home to Morocco to be with his family, so he could do it in all aspects. I asked him about the celebration. Despite having dated an Islamic girl in grad school I know very little about their holidays. So I asked him what he did. His response was both simple and complex: "I slaughtered a sheep." I wasn't completely sure how he meant this.
So I had to follow up. What does he mean, exactly, when he says that? Is it that he puts an order in with his butcher and gets a nice leg of lamb dropped off in the afternoon? "No. I take a knife and I cut the sheep's throat." He can tell that I am a little shocked, so he tells me this is my cultural diversity for the day!
The trick of the ceremony, he tells me, is explaining it to his children. His two young girls. It used to scare them a bit. I can undersatnd that - I think it would scare me! But he was has been successful with his 6 year old to the point where she asked if she could help this year! Turns out she can't yet, but the fact that she expressed the interest was great.
After I hung up the phone I shared the story with my cube-mates. I expected them to be shocked. But I didn't expect what came next. It would appear that by sharing the Mourad story it opened the door to everyone sharing their animal death experiences. Their very personal experiences!
Michelle went first. She said that a previous year she was working on building a garden. And she had a load of soil dropped off to build it out. As she started to move the dirt from the pile to the garden she discovered that is was populated by two fat moles. So of course she did what any reasonable young lady would do - she bludgeoned them to death and diced them to pieces with her shovel!!!! Trust me, if you ever met Michelle you would swear that she couldn't watch anyone else do this much less do it herself. And yet here she sat, dressed in her professional best, calmly describing the bloody act. Chilling.
It had a different effect on Cathy. Because she immediately launched into a description of the problems she and her husband had with their deck. It seems that after it was built they found that it quickly became a home to a colony of raccoons. I had no idea that they gathered in such numbers, but she shared that there were at least 15 of them there. Big nasty ones too. And you just can't have that with a couple kids running around. So they had to be removed. No big deal. Cathy's husband got himself a trap and caught them one at a time. Piece of cake. But the question is - what do you do with them after they're trapped? Well, if you're Cathy's husband you take the trap to the fountain in front of the house and hold them underwater and wait for them to thrash and scratch until they drown. 15 times in a row. It takes a rare man to be able to do that.
And this is how my Monday morning started. One by one by one stories that shock and amaze from the kindest gentlest people I know. You always hear that people are capable of crazy things in the right situation. You have now heard it from me too - it's true!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Champagne tasting with Charlie.
Before we got up the GR, Charlie sent me a note and asked me if I had any interest in going to a champagne tasting. Now to be clear - I don't like champagne. In fact I don't even drink wine, and have never been to a wine tasting. So this sounded like a really bad idea. On the other hand Mimi loves wine and champagne. So naturally I told him we'd love to go. Of course I didn't bring nice clothes, so before the event I had to go to Charlie's house and borrow a jacket. They were all a little tight, especially around the middle. It was quite a shock to find out later that they actually fit him. Hmmm. May have to start paying attention to my diet!
The event was in the University Club, while already sounds a little snooty. Because, well, it is. It's at the top of the biggest bank in town. So I guess it's a ritzy executives club kind of thing. And as we walked in it was clearly populated by exactly the people you'd expect to see in such a place. Well, except for our table. Our table had brother Tim and his wife Cathy. Brother Charlie and his wife Sheila. And Charlie's friend Michael and his wife. It wasn't quite like one of those "What doesn't belong in this picture" exercises, but it was close.
It didn't seem to bother any of us. We immediately connected as you'd expect adult brothers who don't see each other very often. Which means quite well, and quite loudly. We were having a great time. There was an MC kind of guy who was introducing each bottle, but it got increasingly hard to hear him as we continued our own table's entertainment. I could see we were getting some dirty looks from some of the other guests, but I was having too much fun to worry about it.
After about 3 bottles of champagne we were getting what could be best described as boisterous. In general I consider myself a pretty funny guy. But on this night I was in rare form. I was cracking myself up, which is normal. But I also had an appreciative audience, which stoked the fires well beyond normal levels. I was killing them! And Tim, Charlie, and Michael were right there with me. The wives weren't quite as carried away, but seemed to be enjoying themselves.
It would appear from the events that were about to unfold that this was not the universal POV. It's hard to describe exactly what happened because it was so unexpected. As Charlie is right in the middle of delivering his latest add to the session a pencil bounced across our table. It kind of came over Charlie's shoulder and bounced to the middle. Charlie didn't even notice. But I saw it and Michael and Tim did as well. It didn't take long to figure out that someone from the table next to us had thrown it. Yes, at a snooty exec club someone actually threw a pencil at Charlie!! Unexpected doesn't even come close to expressing my reaction. I couldn't recall this happening since maybe 6th grade.
I actually saw the guy who did it. He was an older guy. Kind of heavy set. White hair. Beard. So I guess it gets even worse - Santa threw it! But no red suit. Instead he had a blue sweater-vest. In other words, not exactly the picture of the guy you'd expect to be throwing pencils.
I was in such shock I had absolutely no response. But not Michael. He knew exactly what to do. He stood up, picked up the pencil, and strode off to Santa's table. I held my breath. I didn't know this guy at all. And he was a friend at Charlie's. Which meant that he's either really cool or psychotic. Or both. I'm already starting to think of my course of action if he stabs Santa in the eye with the pencil - how am I going to explain that to the kids? I needn't have worried. He was so cool. He strides purposefully over, get's sweater-vest's attention and tell him that it appears that he has lost his pencil and returns it to him. Oh yeah! Totally served cold and way too cool.
When Michael returned Charlie finally caught on to what had happened. He was furious. You could really see Dad in him. But he restrained himself (unlike Dad), Still, when Santa walked past to use the restroom he couldn't resist following him. When they met in the hallway, to his credit, pencil-man actually apologized. He said it was wrong of him and that he was sorry. He should have stopped there. But he didn't. Instead he flowed directly into "Although I believe you owe me an apology as well." His point was that a gentleman would not have been as disruptive. Naturally Charlie couldn't resist responding "A gentlemen wouldn't have thrown a pencil!" Justifiably he was quite proud of himself. Unfortunately I didn't get to see it in person, but Charlie shared the details with each of us several times through the night. And the next day. And after that too.
The perfect ending to the story is that on Christmas at mom's house I got a present from Charlie. This was odd, as we do family presents and don't usually get presents for individual brothers and sisters. So I was quite curious. But I understood as soon as I got it open. I am now the proud owner of my very own pale blue sweater-vest! The only thing missing was a pencil!
Before we got up the GR, Charlie sent me a note and asked me if I had any interest in going to a champagne tasting. Now to be clear - I don't like champagne. In fact I don't even drink wine, and have never been to a wine tasting. So this sounded like a really bad idea. On the other hand Mimi loves wine and champagne. So naturally I told him we'd love to go. Of course I didn't bring nice clothes, so before the event I had to go to Charlie's house and borrow a jacket. They were all a little tight, especially around the middle. It was quite a shock to find out later that they actually fit him. Hmmm. May have to start paying attention to my diet!
The event was in the University Club, while already sounds a little snooty. Because, well, it is. It's at the top of the biggest bank in town. So I guess it's a ritzy executives club kind of thing. And as we walked in it was clearly populated by exactly the people you'd expect to see in such a place. Well, except for our table. Our table had brother Tim and his wife Cathy. Brother Charlie and his wife Sheila. And Charlie's friend Michael and his wife. It wasn't quite like one of those "What doesn't belong in this picture" exercises, but it was close.
It didn't seem to bother any of us. We immediately connected as you'd expect adult brothers who don't see each other very often. Which means quite well, and quite loudly. We were having a great time. There was an MC kind of guy who was introducing each bottle, but it got increasingly hard to hear him as we continued our own table's entertainment. I could see we were getting some dirty looks from some of the other guests, but I was having too much fun to worry about it.
After about 3 bottles of champagne we were getting what could be best described as boisterous. In general I consider myself a pretty funny guy. But on this night I was in rare form. I was cracking myself up, which is normal. But I also had an appreciative audience, which stoked the fires well beyond normal levels. I was killing them! And Tim, Charlie, and Michael were right there with me. The wives weren't quite as carried away, but seemed to be enjoying themselves.
It would appear from the events that were about to unfold that this was not the universal POV. It's hard to describe exactly what happened because it was so unexpected. As Charlie is right in the middle of delivering his latest add to the session a pencil bounced across our table. It kind of came over Charlie's shoulder and bounced to the middle. Charlie didn't even notice. But I saw it and Michael and Tim did as well. It didn't take long to figure out that someone from the table next to us had thrown it. Yes, at a snooty exec club someone actually threw a pencil at Charlie!! Unexpected doesn't even come close to expressing my reaction. I couldn't recall this happening since maybe 6th grade.
I actually saw the guy who did it. He was an older guy. Kind of heavy set. White hair. Beard. So I guess it gets even worse - Santa threw it! But no red suit. Instead he had a blue sweater-vest. In other words, not exactly the picture of the guy you'd expect to be throwing pencils.
I was in such shock I had absolutely no response. But not Michael. He knew exactly what to do. He stood up, picked up the pencil, and strode off to Santa's table. I held my breath. I didn't know this guy at all. And he was a friend at Charlie's. Which meant that he's either really cool or psychotic. Or both. I'm already starting to think of my course of action if he stabs Santa in the eye with the pencil - how am I going to explain that to the kids? I needn't have worried. He was so cool. He strides purposefully over, get's sweater-vest's attention and tell him that it appears that he has lost his pencil and returns it to him. Oh yeah! Totally served cold and way too cool.
When Michael returned Charlie finally caught on to what had happened. He was furious. You could really see Dad in him. But he restrained himself (unlike Dad), Still, when Santa walked past to use the restroom he couldn't resist following him. When they met in the hallway, to his credit, pencil-man actually apologized. He said it was wrong of him and that he was sorry. He should have stopped there. But he didn't. Instead he flowed directly into "Although I believe you owe me an apology as well." His point was that a gentleman would not have been as disruptive. Naturally Charlie couldn't resist responding "A gentlemen wouldn't have thrown a pencil!" Justifiably he was quite proud of himself. Unfortunately I didn't get to see it in person, but Charlie shared the details with each of us several times through the night. And the next day. And after that too.
The perfect ending to the story is that on Christmas at mom's house I got a present from Charlie. This was odd, as we do family presents and don't usually get presents for individual brothers and sisters. So I was quite curious. But I understood as soon as I got it open. I am now the proud owner of my very own pale blue sweater-vest! The only thing missing was a pencil!
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